Read the car plat no. above in Mandarin.
LOLz.
Hav a good laugh.
Me and cousie are juz TOO bored in car while jamming.
ERM. Yea I know. I shudnt pile up four days and write it into a post. I have actually defeat the purpose in doing this Project 365. I apology. Sorry. Sigh...seriously I pass these four days...FOUR DAYS wid excel sheets, formulasssss, power points and FIGURESSSS running in my mind for almost every seconds and I m getting crazy!!!
Felt so lifeless these four days. My days is like a robot. Wake up, stuck in jam, start to work from 9am til 7 or 8pm, scrolling all over the excel sheets, power point, figures, fong gong, stuck in jam AGAING,reach home, bath, sleep. That's how I pass my four days this week. With no entertainment, no ajinomoto, no meeting frenz, no crapz wid frenz, no nothing. Owh...I stil have my cousie to talk to tho...lolz
So Yea. I am asking myself everyday...
"is this wat I want?" "Sitting nicely in the office, enjoy the air cond, glue my eyes on the screen from 9 - 6 thn go balik rumah?" Yes and No. It is good to work in a Big Four, as, I am a freshie yet I stil get to squeeze myself in. It is good to sit in the office and enjoy the air-cond.I dun hav to run here and ther, make myself suffer and mayb overexposed to the sun in order to earn money. It is good tat I am working in a professional field, learning all the research tools, learn to analyze. Yea. This is wat my mum feel and think it is good for me bcoz I dun hav to go thru all the hardship and straightaway work in BIG four wid comfortable yet nice enviornment.
For me? Well, I am kinda confuse now. Seriously confuse. I still remember that I pick to study science stream during secondary sch times is bcoz...I dun like figures, I hate accounts. I hate counting. I picked science stream widout thinking that I stil nid to do calculation all the time for Add Maths and physic. All I have in mind tat time is that "I DUN WANNA DO CALCULATION". After I've graduated, I picked mass comm, broadcast, as my major, which doesnt nid any calculation but only theories and more practical work. I love to see a lot of ppl, I love production, I love running outside, BUT, I, at the same time, dun really like to social ard bcoz I feel that it is very fake to smile to the ppl tat I dun like. So, I actually have this conflict within myself.
So Yea. After I've graduated frm my diploma, my mum already asked me to apply for my current job. To work in a media agency. I rejected, telling her that I wanna study oversea and I dun wanna make myself regret in the future. What I have in mind that time, is, I shud cherish the time I get to study, I shud go oversea and experience the feeling of study aboard. Yea, I experienced it. I enjoyed. AND, after two years, I've get my degree, yet I get back to the field that my mum want me to work for two years ago.
I sent my resume to my cousin. Ya. I've got cousin working in the Media field. She help to blast my resume out to all the media agencies, and I received calls and got the job within a mth after I've came back frm UK, frm my studies. I started to work on 6th Oct 2008, they offered me to be a junior planner. Yea. I applied to be a planner bcoz my cousin said it made BIG money. BUT, as I get in for few days, I realized that what I do, is not wat I tot, and not what I get to know to b a planner, the job tat I do, the department that I am in, is a research department. MD and my manager noticed that I am confuse, we talked, thy explained. MD said :
" all the planners start frm research, thy hav to hav a very strong research base before thy become planners, and you have to make urself valuable" My manager gave me two weeks of time to think, if I wanna be in research department or be the planner. We talk after two weeks, and I decided to b in research team. Yea, MD is right, I have to make myself valuable, I have to have very strong research base.
I tot of giving myself three months time to learn everything, to get a research base and request to be a planner. As time goes by, I realized that they are seriously a lot to learn to b a researcher, and I m kinda "in love" wid my manager. She is such a BIG NICE people, she always hav the patient to teach, the patient to explain. There's not only the research thingy I can learn from her, but the way she talk, the way she behave, the way she think, perhaps, her attitude, which is so tame yet get the respects from others. SO, I din request to change myself to be a planner as I heard what my other kelics planners told me bout their job scoop and how thy suffer in doing all the stuff. They have to deal wid the media owners and clients always, where I think, I m stil not ready to "talk big". I mean, talk confidently and convince the clients.
So, this is the tenth month for me, in the research department. TENTH month yet I stil repeat the same mistake that my manager told me over and over and over again. She told me bout it while we are doing my appraisal, and I know wher my problem is, which is, CARELESS. Yea, I am a very careless person, and, I, dunno, how I shud change myself. I told myself to check my work all the time before I hand in, yea, I checked, YET, ther, for sure wil b mistakessssss from the work I did. I dun allow myself to have any mistakes for all the work tat I did BUT, I always disappointed myself. Yes, I admit that I dun like ppl to correct me, bcoz, for all the things I do, I wil make sure that's it is perfect and nobody shud hav any doubt wid it or I wil fight again for my decision, for the things tat I've done. BUT, this have actually faded away from me, I m in the progress learning in listen to others voices, and respect others decisions. I hope I will somehow change one day.
Right. I asked myself, WHY I will repeat the same mistake everytime, and WHEN only I wil change in not to be so so careless, not to be not meticulous. Yea, meticulous is wat a planner shud have, and, since I am so so careless, means, I am not ready to b a planner YET. So, I've got this answer for myself, for, WHY I will repeat the same mistake. Well, that's all bcoz of...ther's no passion...no passion means you will be forgetful, forgetful is not bcoz iressponsible, it is juz, you know, when you dun really fancy the job, you wont actually put it in ur heart. So, I guess, I've lost my passion. AND the feeling is getting stronger and stronger recently.
What caused me wid no passion and when it happened? Is it the time where I get to know I am being put to be a researcher instead of a planner? Or, is it bcoz the mistake tat I keep on repeating and made me lost the passion? Possible to be ther's no increment after the probation period? Promised to have discuss bout increment during July...and it is now AUGUST ADY!!! Well, mayb ther's no bonus, no trip, nothing that urge me to stay, be loyal and work hard for the company? Hmmph...mayb it is bcoz loads of loads ppl left the company...and it makes me feel insecure wid the Company.
(even the CEO has resigned?!) So, I guess, you know, when I listed these out, they are all, somehow, part of the reasons. I can find my passion no more. I am juz like an ordinary nine to fiver, who wait for weekends to come everyday, who wait for wages to come every month but not seek for changes and make my life colorful.
If you ask me, what I wan right now? I wil say, my passion. So yea, right, get my passion back then. It sounds so simple, but hard to move on. Ther's nothing that can come in two will, working something that you are interested wid, at the same time, get a VERY good pay. The job that I am working right now, doesnt have a VERY good pay, but I believe that I will get VERY good pay in the future, as I've made myself to be more valuable in having the research base. BUT, this only apply to...I stick to the same field. So yea, shud a careless person like me stick back to the same field? I don't know. I want a good pay, I want to love my job. I don't wanna be ppl who always wait for weekends to come bcoz this is so wrong, and this feeling will only appear whn one don't really like their job.
I got very frustrated on Tuesday, tot of changing job and actually browse thru jobstreet to see wat job is available, or, to say, to get myself a direction in wat I shud go to. I saw this wedding planner, it looks interesting, I wanted to apply, BUT, I pull myself back remembering that...I nid to give three months notice before I switch to another job. On Wednesday, I told my mum tat I wanna switch my job and I get my resume updated, I wrote " d e t a d p u e m u s e r"
(resume updated) on my msn personal message, trying to give sign, I wonder if anybody see it. It is kinda like silent voice out, silent protest from me bcoz I suddenly feel like this is not what I want. My workload have increased, more and more requests from everybody, I have to help the planners to run the reports, RUN RUN and RUN!!! FIGURES FIGURES AND FIGURESSSS!!! I have had enuf. Seriously, had enuf. I wonder now, is it the planners are too bz to run the reports themselves, OR, they actually dun own a strong research base, AND thy don't know things bout the research tools, thus, they ask me to run? I feel like I am a machine in running reports. I hate being called as a research queen. Well, I know I m stil not qualified to be one, but it sounds so sacarstic, it sounds so "machine"!!!
I am having conflict within myself. I shud stay bcoz it is hard to get such a nice manager and I've got more to learn for her, I shud stay bcoz this is a BIG four, I shud stay bcoz this is an easy yet comfortable job, I shud stay bcoz mum said that this is a good job and she have this stand and thought since five years ago
(before I stepped into my college life) and the elder one always have the right thought as they have seen and gone thru so many things, and yea, my mum wan her daughter to have an easy life.
I shudnt stay bcoz this company give me no passion, no more, I shudn't stay bcoz this is not wat I want, I shudnt stay or I cant learn more from other people. I shud go out and see more, experience more explore and torture myself more to grow up. I shud leave and chase after my dream before I get old and regret in the future, I shud leave now and only come back to the field when I need to settle down.
BUT
Wher shud I go? I have got no direction. I am thinking...I wanna tender is bcoz of the company gave me no passion but I still love my job? OR, I actually dun like my job? T_T
SIGH!!!
CONFUSE!!!So, after all these confuse confuse, I get frustrated and suggest to my kelic to eat something nice today and we headed to Madam Kwan @ Pavilion for lunch. LOLz. There goes my diet plan AGAIN.T_T. Why oh why...anyhow...I feel so much better after expressing my feelings here.
Miao!!!
Huai ting!!!
Project 365 #115
