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Sunday, October 11, 2009

Be gone, my dear Char Siu Bao

Project 365 #187

Be gone, be gone.

Will keep you in my heart always

my dear,

Char Siu Bao.

Char Siu Bao passed away today in the afternoon. He get choked by pear. Felt hard to accept the fact, felt hard to write a post about Bao have passed away. He have just past his one year old birthday on 8th October 2009. He is only one year old...there are loads of things that he haven't done in his life and now... ... ...I guess, God loves him too much and wanted to keep him beside him. Bao, hope you are enjoying your life in the heaven. Heart you, always.

I bathed Bao in the morning and allow him to mingle around as he is always being close in the cage during weekdays bcoz nobody at home. Right. Brother's frens came over and hang out in my house. Mum who is enthusiastic served his frens fruits - pear. Sister and I the one who place the fruits on the table. We have actually put the plate in the middle of the table so tat Bao will not b able to reach the fruits. I then walk into my room and continue my TVB marathon, leaving Bao outside, thinking ways to grab the pear on the table. I called Bao to come to me for few times but he just ignore me. Then, I heard my bro's fren telling "See, he so cute, he got the fruit!" I am like wth...BROTHER! STOP HIM FROM EATING!!! I yelled this in my heart. Brother thn brought Bao enter my room and tell me "Jie, Bao is choked." He then leave Bao in my room and continue entertaining his frenz. Bao cough a little and he is like having problem in breathing. Nerves on my head, I have Bao in my arms and dashed to downstairs, tell my mum tat Bao is choked. Without knowing how serious it could be, mum tried to make Bao to "cough" the fruits out by making him to stand upside down hit his back a little. No, it doesnt help. Me, mum and sis are all nervous and don't know wat to do. Mum said "Bring him to vet" Yea rite...I have Bao in hand and run outside widout bringing my handphone, keys and wallet 2geda. Mum have sis to get it and we dashed to the Vet near my house.

Vet gave Bao a few injection and forcing Bao to puke but Bao seems like not vomiting anything. Vet said "the fruits is too deep inside, I can't see and it is hard to force it out. You guys better be ready, get ready..." I burst into tears. I am seeing him suffer but I can't help him...not even a little...and I can't stand by his side...Vet don't allow us to step into the operation room. Vet didn't give up in forcing Bao to puke and yea, Bao puke a little liquid out but it's only liquid which is brown in color. I guess it shud b the liquid of injection tat Vet poke into Bao's body just now. Then, vet said Bao is fine now. He said " he is lucky, really very lucky, normally when they have come to this situation, we can hardly save him...he is lucky". I cuddle Bao in my arms and talk to Bao but I felt Bao's breathe isn't going smooth yet. The vet thn starts giving medicine, bill and emergency contact numbers to us. He asked me "Your dog is a female?" I am like...wathefark!!! The one that you have been saving just now...and you don't know if he is a male or a female? Goddamnit...Oh well...mayb there are too many patients that he forgot...Oh well, I shud hav trust the vet as he is the professional. Right. I din tell the Vet bout Bao's breathing. I brought Bao home.

I put Bao on a coach and sit bside him. Bao is like looking for a comfortable place and position to lie down. He changed a lot of pose...he lie down to his back, he lean forward, he turn a little on the floor and he walk... he is like "Gosh, i am so san fu, how shud I lie? I can't breath well" Right. I shouted "Mum! Bao is not feeling alright!" Then, we dashed to the Vet again. Goddamnit...it is closed! WTH...It is like not more than 10 minutes we left the vet and it is closed now?! FARK! Okay, calm down miao, Bao's breathing is smoother than just now, mayb he is lack of air. Bao have become calmer when I brought him outside of the house. I told my mum said he is fine now and we went back home again.

Rite. Home. I leave Bao on the floor. He starts walking and coughing...he puked the brown liquid out again! Sister shouted very loudly. I saw Bao puked half of the pear that he have swollen earlier. It is a big piece. I am so glad tat he vomited tat out, BUT, the story haven't end...Bao is like lack of air...he can hardly breath...he lied on the floor and he crawl to a corner...he is like trying to hide himself! Rite. I asked mum for the emergency contact number...and I asked her to call. Good one. She asked me what contact number? what she shud do. Rite. We are all in a nerve and we have got no guideline in what to do. The Vet told us ther are two emergency vet, one is at Taman Gasing and another one is at Jalan Ipoh. The Vet suggested Taman Gasing earlier as he said the one in Jalan Ipoh is freaking expensive. =.=" I can't care much and I don't know wher the hell is Taman Gasing. I hav Bao in hand and I rushed my mum to hop into the car. She get my uncle to send us to Taman Gasing. Cousie came all the way from Klang and she is just in time to see Bao. I told her I am worried, she said "Don't listen to the doctor, they crapz". Cousie always calm me down when I am in nerve. =)

I spreaded newspaper in the car and let Bao to lie on the newspaper or do wateva things he want like puke...he vomitted loads of brown color liquid out...and the feeling of him not feeling good is getting stronger and stronger. Mum at first have him in her arm but he wants to move around. Mum is nervous, she let him go...he come to me...and I have him in my hands. I hold him up, he struggled hard and his body went straight. GOSH. The next second I know...he is on my mum's lap...he become weak...I look at him and talk to him. He is looking at me. I gave him CPR...but there's no reaction from him. I cried. My mum said "Gal, Bao is gone". I ignore my mum and gave him CPR "Gal, Bao is gone". I ignored..."Gal, he is really gone, his ears have turned to pale color". I dare not see and I keep on holding Bao's hand and rub it. I keep on calling Bao's name..."Gal, it's useless to go to the vet now, he is gone" I shaked my head, burst into tears and ignoring the words to enter my ears. I yelled I cried. I called the emergency vet at Jalan Ipoh, I said " My dog got choke by the fruits and he is like...gone..." The vet at the other side answered " Then you better bring him here, a fast one!" SHIT. I shud b asking what I shud do instead of telling the condition of my doggie. =.=". When we are almost reaching, mum tell me "Gal, his leg have already become straight and hard". I shaked my head and burst into tears, Mum asked " you wanted the Vet to prove that he is dead? You want it?" I ignored and when we have reached the emergency. I have Bao in my hand. Four of his legs have become straight and hard. I felt it. I know he is gone but I just can't help. I hug him and enter the emergency...I cried out very loud...oh man...I srsly can't believe the scene tat I saw on TV...the scene wher the people cry until very exaggarate when thy saw their love one passed away happened on me.

I put Bao on the Operation table. I squaded. Praying very hard that ther will be miracle. They opened Bao's mouth and tell "the fruit can be seen" THE FRUIT CAN BE SEEN! WHICH MEANS WE CAN ACTUALLY TAKE IT OUT FROM HIS MOUTH!!! WHY I NEVER THINK ABOUT THAT? I SHUD HAVE OPEN UP HIS MOUTH AND CHECK!!! ARGH!!!! WHY AM I SO STUPIDDDDDDDDDDDDDD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Sis said she wanted to do so but Mum stopped her...Mum said sis shud hav remind her earlier...and yea...thy are blaming each other. The vet...knowing Bao is dead stil helps to do everything that he can...he then tell "He have passed away". Rite. Miao, accept the fact. Rite. I squaded there and reluctant to stand up. Mum force me to...I pampered Bao's head, I talk to him...his eyes is still opening...and his mouth is still opening as well...he did not die peacefully. I felt sorry to Bao.

We brought Bao back home. Mum decide to bury him in front of our house. I entered the house and I saw cousie. We both hugged and cried. Cousie and me, we both went to bring Bao back on 22nd November 2008. She saw him growing up from a little one to an elbow size as well. I yelled, I shouted...I cried...Oh well...tat's me...I am not good in expressing myself using words...I stopped crying after half an hour...and I walked to the box where Bao is lying inside. I apologized to Bao, I talked to him...I tried to close his mouth and his eyes...he close his eyes a little...then mum and sister starts to bring Bao belongings out to buried those together wid him. I don't have enuf in looking at Bao yet and Mum already start stuffing Bao's stuff in the box. My mum use cloth to cover Bao's body and she asked me to move my hand away...and there...she cover Bao's face wid cloth. Rite. I burst into tears again. I wanted to open it back but mum said...she have already close it and I shudn't disturb Bao. I sealed the box myself, I sealed very tightly trying not to let anything to go into the box. I then...buried him...myself...I put him into the hole myself... ... ...I tell myself that I shud complete this step no matter how hard it is. Yea. Cry like anything when I put him in. Soil then covered the box. Be gone, Bao. Be gone. We did him a chinese funeral.

I hide myself in the bedroom to night. When I walk to the living room, Bao's cage is already missing. He is really gone in my life. Char Siu Bao has gone leaving my family arguing...whose fault it is. I hate it. I stopped them. I shouted to my brother and sister who are arguing bout the placement of the fruits. I mean...well...things has happened and even if you argue...it will not change the result. =.=" I had a serious headache. I had a sleepless nite. The first time ever...I cried up to this level. I felt guilt. I felt sorry. I felt that I am useless. I am just a stupid biatch who did not know how to take good care of my own doggie! ARGH!!!! I HATE MYSELF!!!

Bao, I am seriously very sorry. Thanks for bringing joy and laughthers to my family. Thanks for making daddy a homey guy. Thanks for giving me chance in knowing a doggie more. Thanks for letting me to take good care of you. I will miss the days in bathing you, feeding you, training you to sit, up, turn, five, stay, cleaning your dungs, pees, cage, and of course, the way you sleep on my lap, letting me to clean ur ear wax, combing your fur...thanks for trusting me even sometimes when I tried to fool you up. Thanks for the 11 months companion. I will love you, always. There's always a place for you, deep down in my heart. Heart you, my dear Char Siu Bao.